

“Best mom ever” he says leaning heavily into me so I reach out to brace myself on the kitchen counter. The world stops in this moment for I have been without my son’s love extending this way. I know what it feels like to have him to choose to ignore me, to express hate for me, to wish me away.
I have felt that level of disconnect and want nothing more than to connect with him now. Feed him all the cookies in the world as I rest just so, making my whole self available when he chooses to plug in and connect.
I have always taken time to be with myself. I find getting away to be therapeutic, kind of a walkabout if you will. Where I get in my car when weather is right and kids are cared for. I don’t have a destination and drive with adventure of moving to where feels right to go. Keeps me in the moment when I return to “home life”, a more predictable way of living with days that are scheduled and mornings that feel the same.