My Family Life Streamline writings

Best Mom Ever (10-minute writing)

Originally published on October 10, 2017

This is a 10-minute streamline writing, learn more here.

“Best mom ever” he says leaning heavily into me as I reach out to brace myself on the kitchen counter. The world stops in this moment as I have been without my son’s love extending this way for so long now that I know what feels like to have him ignore me, express hate for me, wish me away.

In hindsight I see this stemmed from my putting my foot down on playing video games in our home. His dad who lived in a separate town had no rules where this came in and thus was the difficulty. I was terrified of him playing video games hours on end and turning to this modality to relax himself. When I was pregnant with him that is what his father did. It was, I think, the stress of our having a baby and him providing for us. He grew up a latchkey kid and his mom was gone most afternoons and evenings and playing video games was his turn to. I wanted more for our son.

My soul collage about my son wanting to play video games.

To feel disconnected from your child makes you crave and want nothing more than to connect. There I was in my kitchen and all I wanted to do was freeze time, feed him all the cookies in the world as I rested here with his warm body on mine, making my whole self available when he chooses to plug in and connect.

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Learning A New Language: Becoming a Mother

When you were born, and in those first few days, I studied you. I listened to you. Every sound you made. You had your own language and as your mother I learned it.

I remember how my ears would strain on the insides to so finely imprint you into the corners of my brain. You of course, my 7 pound baby, wanted nothing more than to be held and fed.

Each sound

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