Getting Intimate While Healing on The Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.)

Getting Intimate on Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.)

Tara Carpenter, NC.

Nutritional Consultant for people on The Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.).

Originally published on September 21, 2019.

I interviewed my husband to help other couples understand each other when one, or both, is healing on Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.). I met my husband in 2011 a year into healing myself with the strict phase of this diet – stage 1 from a medical diagnosis called systemic yeast overgrowth.

When I started this diet in 2010 I was a single mother with two kids, ages 5 and 9. I felt motivated because within days and weeks we were successful in feeling much better in near every issue we had come into the diet with (i.e., skin rashes, bloated bellies, constipation, chronic fatigue). To say I am forever grateful to Donna Gates, founder of B.E.D. is an understatement.

Tara & Tomas shortly after meeting in 2011.

I felt apprehensive to share myself in a physically intimate way with this new man because I was scared to re-expose myself to pathogenic flora after having just finished a long year of meticulously cleansing myself of having systemic yeast infection. I was at a clean slate in my health and could see the light at the end of the tunnel of what had been some very serious and uncomfortable health issues.

I was very attracted to this footloose-fancy-free, smoking, drinking, eating pizza man. I could see his unaddressed health issues, mainly oral, and I worried that if he had pathogenic flora based infection in his mouth and/or his throat then this could in turn come into my whole body. I worried that my gut was vulnerable and felt the need to be cautious.

If you have healed yourself (in a natural, gentle way – the long patient turtle step by step manner like I did with B.E.D.) of a systemic infection, whether from yeast, bacteria, or viral overgrowth then you know the hard work and focus needed to clear yourself. You know how much you want to move forward in life without worry of landing sick again.

Lunch break of meat chops and salad before back to building on the land.

In the long run, my love for him and my want for us to be a family pushed us forward. We dove into a relationship that in time became a marriage. In short, we figured things out. His health issues became my own, one body, two people, with the same makeup as far as microbes are concerned 🙂

I know people who hold off being intimate with anyone with the health issues my husband had. I am glad I persevered yet absolutely understand the hesitancy. I think because I was adept at healing and bringing balance back to the middle I felt confident we could win with this one and that we had something that could go the distance, so I took a chance. I am glad because life improved tenfold by sharing myself fully with this man.

Making unsalted cultured vegetables together, recipe here.

I was a single mom working as a therapeutic chef and in graduate school by night to become a Holistic Nutritionist. Working in a man’s health and diet needs was a strain I’d do again in a heartbeat because eating the body ecology way together helped me to feel better about sharing my body with him and us as a family to be closer connected.

He came to our relationship with chronic health issues that responded well to Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.). In what seemed no time at all he had turned the trick and most of his health issues dissipated. Once again I stood in awe at the power of healing in food. Eating this way brought us closer as a couple into a healthy balance, especially our inner ecosystem. I wish the same for you and your own intimate relationship.

Interview with my husband about being intimate on stage 1 of B.E.D.:

What do you say to someone starting an intimate relationship while practicing Body Ecology Diet B.E.D.?

I think most men aren’t going to read anything, so don’t try that. Don’t overwhelm him. Do small steps with goals like “let’s try this one thing”. Let him master that while offer a substitute (i.e. plantain chips instead of potato chips). If the food he likes is not home, he will look for a substitute and eat lots of that and overdose that food item. Most men have the attitude that this healing is bullshit, so to men I say try and open your mind to entertain idea. Do because you love her, because you want to know her better. Personally, I don’t leave home much, so I’m not exposed to pizza if I’m hungry. If your man leaves home a lot, pack his lunch, show him. Make sure he has a beverage. A lot of work for a woman at beginning if getting on the diet was not his idea to begin with. In this scenario, the load is on woman which is unfortunate. I saw this exact thing with my mom when she started yoga and wanted my dad to eat healthy. They didn’t make it. There were other reasons my dad didn’t change a bit in his ways, some men don’t.

Are you saying if I want a man to change the way he eats then I am to do all the work in the beginning and hope he changes?

Not necessarily, just that diet changes she makes for him will hopefully open his mind and help him see results. Then maybe he will think about that and make changes as he wants to. As guys, we are trained to listen to our mothers. What mother puts on table, we eat. Imagine guy who is construction worker and stops drinking beer, eating pizza …. other guys look at him like he has two heads, make fun of him, maybe exclude him from pack. It’s hard for guy to feel different in this way. This has many layers.

What would make you change the way you eat and live?

As a man I want to understand how things work. I have to know why. She can’t just say “stop eating sugar”. Men need to know logically why to do something. As woman, you need good argument. Ideally, man has a health issue that motivates him to change, otherwise women should expect to do most of work and expect push-back along the way. For me what changed was when you suggested I cut down my sugar intake. Was hard, yet worked. Maybe not for everyone. Took me ages to learn I can’t drink milk. I bet you pointed it out and I decided to skip milk to see what happens. I felt better, then connected the dots on my own.

That’s a lot of work for me to be responsible for the health of our relationship as a whole.

Not nice or fair at all. Kudos to women who try hard. I see women do all the work and men eat shit when she’s not there. When she is out of sight, he’ll likely do what he did before, relapse the moment you close door. When you leave him alone, leave snacks so he has no responsibility in that department. It’s shitty women must pull weight if she wants him to start this diet change. Once momentum gets going, things are easier.

Do you think men don’t care to eat well?

I am saying women should not get hopes high. It’s a gradual process to have a guy change ways, especially if there is no impending health condition. Baby steps. A long run because ‘guys’ don’t change habits easily unless there is an apocalyptic reason. Men are like dogs when it comes to sex and food. Give a dog a treat every time he does good, a lot of work but there is a period of time when you have to train and reward. Like putting a frog in pot of water and start heating it. The old trick because frog does not notice much is happening. The key is that the frog can’t notice what you are doing. Be clever.

Like when I mix cultured vegetables into your tuna salad?

Yes, it has to taste good, can never beat pizza, beer, bread, so make it taste good. Treat us like overgrown kids. Most men don’t take responsibility for health and destroy ourselves in this way that women are more sensitive and perceptive. As a man I go to doctor, take pill, doctor tells how long I have to live and that’s that.

I don’t see you that way now, I see us working in partnership.

Because I’m deep in. We passed the initial stage where you broke me in. Once I knew the why and tried and found it worked, we have a completely different story.

Do you still think I do all the work or am in charge of you?

No, you still do more than me in the kitchen and point out when I have tendency to slip, but it’s not as much effort as in the beginning.

What keeps you on track with your health now?

I feel good doing what I do. I don’t feel good when I sidetrack to old ways. Say, you leave me home alone. I neglect cooking, eat out, eat frozen food, drink beer, coffee, smoke. I feel tired, sick, get symptoms I got rid of like bad breath and fog mind. That’s reminder why I do what I do. I’m at a point where you helped make changes and when I slip in my tendencies, they serve as a reminder of why I do what I do.

If I die tomorrow, would you keep eating the B.E.D. way?

Yes, I would.

Would you look for a partner who ate a similar way?

Yes, that would be hard one, I don’t know anyone else who does that.

I know lots of women who eat this way…

Maybe before you die, you could give me a list 🙂

When we met, I felt nervous to share my body with you because some of the health issues you had were ones I had worked hard to heal in my own body with B.E.D. I felt nervous to kiss and such as I could get back the very symptoms I worked so hard to heal. This was my hurtle to accepting you into my life (and body).

This is about compromise. We couldn’t kiss at first, yet we could cuddle. We could have sex as long as I wore condom. Men, get sheep gut condoms, best I tried, cost $5 each but when it comes to being intimate or not at all, they are good.

In the early days I was willing to help with your food and health issues because I wanted to be with you intimately and in turn that helped me remain straight as an arrow with my own healing.

Healing involves work for the woman. If you are looking for partner, look for someone with open-mind, not necessarily on B.E.D., just open-mind. There’s also fact that when you begin diet your libido might not be on sex or you have yeast infection. So, the person in healing may be more focused on healing with most of energy spent on yourself.

Look for a compassionate person who can understand need to be self-absorbed. Do this diet for yourself. If you want a partner to do this for your own benefit, then more work to make food, but if you run kitchen and are head cook already, then you carry more weight and have more in your hands and in your control. If partner participates that’s obviously better option, but they have to get into things and understand why.

I am glad you are aware of your health because that is attractive.

Some women might misinterpret a man saying ‘no’ to the diet as a personal assault or confrontation. They might get defensive because they think he is saying “I don’t love you enough to change for you” when really they might be thinking the food does not taste good. Lots of room for improvement.